My child doesn’t want to go to school and cries a lot! What can I do?

This is more common than you think. It is a normal developmental response to the overwhelming response to psychological friction of that morning transition. A child’s home is usually their safe zone, so what they are saying is that they don’t want this cozy moment at home with you to end. Toddlers cannot feel two opposing emotions simultaneously. They lack the brain maturation to say “I love my mom, and I also love my school.” They can only think of one thing at a time. So because they cannot consider another feeling in another space, making that transition feels like a threat. This is why children don’t feel fully happy and relaxed until they are comfortably in the next physical space. Toddlers are naturally ‘hard-wired’ to look for the alpha in the moment. When they protest in the morning, they are often sub-consciously, testing the confidence of their parents. If a parent looks worried, negotiates or hesitates, the child’s brain says, ‘I was right to feel this way. Mom and Dad are not confident!’ But if a parent remains calm and confident and certain, the child’s nervous system is able to relax. A parent’s unwavering confidence signals to the child’s brain that this is completely safe. So the parent’s role is hold a boundary without hesitation. 

“I know it is hard to leave home, but you will be safe, and the educator needs to exude that same confidence. “ You are here, you are safe, and you can trust me. You are safe and I will take care of you.”

Remember, the child is not protesting the school, but the child is protesting the transition.

You are not alone. This is one of the most frequently asked questions by parents – especially in the early school years. And it’s tough to watch your child in distress. 

Here is what might be going on:

-Separation anxiety

-fear of something at school (new place, teacher, routine, peers)

-tiredness or sensory overload

-difficulty expressing emotions

So, what can you do?

-Stay calm and consistent (your energy becomes their safety net)

-create a drop-off ritual – a hug, a high-five, a “see-you-soon” phrase

-give them something comforting to carry (a small note, a soft object)

-talk to the teacher – they might have insights you don’t see

And, most importantly:

• Validate their feelings: “It’s okay to feel sad or scared. I’m proud of you for trying.”
• Avoid brushing it off. Their feelings are real-even if the reason seems small to us. 

Remember:

• This phase is temporary. With patience, trust, consistency and support, your child will grow out of it – and feel safe and happy at school. 

You can always submit questions for Luna to answer through Brin or through the rest of the staff. They will get the message to our observant and wise friend.

Love,
Luna