Dear Luna, I’m so nervous about the first few days at drop off. I’m sure there will be tears! Any suggestions to make it more comfortable – for me and my child?!

The first day of preschool is a huge milestone, full of emotions for parents and students. We find that preparation the night before helps the morning go more smoothly. Have your student help you pack their snack, choose their clothes for the next day, and for everyone to get a good sleep. You don’t have to talk about it a lot, you don’t want to build it up too big, but rather state the facts. We are driving to your preschool tomorrow, and I am excited for you to tell me about all the fun that you have at your new school! Do you remember the toys that you played with when we visited the school? I wonder if they are still there? What are you most excited about? The playground that you cross the bridge over the creek to get to? The tire swing? Or the climber in the back room? 

We also ask that you have your child walk into the classroom. This lets them know that you know they are capable and can do this job holding your hand. We find that the children that are carried into the classroom often have the hardest time saying goodbye. If this is difficult for you, try to have your hands full of something else so that when they are grabbing at you to be carried, you simply cannot. 

The staff also suggests that new preschool parents join a ‘tea and tissues’ event, perhaps set up by the room parents, or set one up yourself with one or two other parents at drop off, to gather off campus, so that the you can all share your emotions together, out of sight of the children. If you are an adult and you know that you are going to be teary, wear sunglasses, make your goodbye quick and easy and head out to join the other parents, who are all feeling the same mix of pride, fear, worry, sadness, excitement, and nerves….

The hardest 60 seconds of your September is going to be the drop-off. Here’s the secret: Your child is reading your nervous system like a map. If you look anxious, they think the space is dangerous.

• The one and done rule: avoid the back and forth. Lingering or popping back in for one more hug restarts the clock on their anxiety.

• Confidence is key – Even if you’re crying in the car afterward, stay calm and smiling at the door. If you look like you trust the educator, they will too.

• The script: Create a ten second ritual. “I love you, I’ll be back after outside playground time, have a great day! Then walk away.

• The Reality: Most inconsolable tears stop within three minutes of the parent leaving. The prolonged goodbye is usually for the parent, not the child. 

• Remember, a confident exit signals to your child that they are in a safe trusted place. 

Borrowed from “Curious Educator Collective”

The Children’s Garden staff are experts at helping the whole process move along. We know, that YOU know, that if the children are crying about saying goodbye to you, the staff will take your child to the waving window, where they will wave, blow kisses, through tears of course, but they will be fine, and typically stop crying within a few minutes of you getting out of sight. 

At The Garden, as our program is play based and social emotional educational, we will never downplay a child’s feelings. We will never say, ‘don’t cry, you don’t need to be sad…’ but instead, acknowledge their feelings and tell them what we are planning on doing during class time while they are waiting for their guardian to pick them up. We have all sorts of ‘tricks up our sleeves, after years and years of experience. We use diversion, engage them in fun activities throughout the classroom and playground, and we hold them on our laps and read them stories. 

And, at the end of the class:

At pick up after class, it is not unusual to see your child who has held it together the entire session to break down in tears.

Your child has been on and following rules all day. When they see you, their ultimate safe space, they finally let all those big emotions out.

Don’t panic: a meltdown after class isn’t a sign of a bad day. It’s a sign of a deep secure attachment to you. 

• Keep a snack and water in the car. Low blood sugar is the enemy of a peaceful commute. 
• Introduce a post preschool routine in the car (sensory bottles, deep breaths, calming music) 
• Don’t ‘grill’ them as soon as you get in the car. Let the car ride home be calm. Music, rather than podcast or audiobook, or maybe nothing? When they arrive at home, put them on the trampoline, race to get the mail, give them a relaxing bath. When they come to you, ready to talk, is when you can ask questions -and maybe not “How was your day?” But “What made you giggle today?” “What surprised you today?” “Did you see something fun that you want to try next day?” “What was your favorite thing at school today?”  etc. 

Have fun this last weekend before school starts and get yourself and your child ready for a wonderful school year at The Children’s Garden! 

Love,
Luna